isn't it just disdainful the way life is?

There is just a certain something about being all alone...
enveloped in absolute darkness..
the solitude...
the silence...
the cold...
the emptiness..
the fear..
such satisfaction it brings me,
pure bliss to those who have stumbled upon how gratifying it can be.

I don't have a reason..but
i just love being in that void..
the way it heightens my senses...
the way it makes me realise things...
the way i'm able to contemplate on things...

The sorrow which slowly fills me up..
trickling through a pinhole..
into my soul..
as much as it scars the fragile hearts of humans..
is just another shallow emotion..
and for that;
i seek all so desperately..
for a cure to a diesese...

In the darkness is where i truly feel alive..
everything just seems much more real...
the pain felt..truly hurts to an untolerable extent..
the lonliness..truly frightening...
the silence...absolutely nerve-wrecking..
and yet there is where i found my comfort zone,
my solace..

Yet,
i can only enjoy it for brief periods..
and then i'm thrown back into a world..
where struggles are futile ,
failure is wide spread ,
and depression runs wild.
But..depression is just a state of the mind.
still it causes so much agony.

Pain...
is just a temporary distraction...
although momentarily..
it has saved me countless of times...
countering emotional pains...
by diverting it with greater torment; physically
sometimes i wonder whether it was worth it..
in the end..it was

Till now..
as much as i yearn for you to be my saviour..
i'll just let fate decide...
and if so our paths shall cross, fates entwine..
your company will replace my solitude,
your voice will shatter the silence,
your touch will give me warmth,
your love will fill my emptiness,
your heart will give me unwavering courage,
and..
you will replace my darkness..
ultimately.